Dear Friends,
Even though this lady is residing in MY house, she
may at
some time appear in yours. Be alert!
A very weird thing has happened. A strange old
lady has
moved into my house. I have no idea who
she is, where she came from, or how she got in.
I certainly did not invite her.
All I know is that one
day she wasn't there and the next day she was!
She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out
of sight
for the most part, but whenever I pass a
mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I
look in the mirror to check
my appearance, there
she is hogging the whole thing, completely
obliterating my gorgeous face and body.
This is very
rude!
I have tried screaming at her, but she
just screams back.
The
least she could do is offer to pay
part of the rent, but no.
Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in
a
coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa
cushion, but it is not nearly enough. I don't want to
jump to conclusions,
but I think she is stealing
money from me.
I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few
days later, it's all
gone! I certainly don't spend
money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old
lady is pilfering from me. You'd think
she would
spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream.
And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing.
Food
seems to disappear at an alarming rate
especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies,
and candy. She must have a
real sweet tooth,
but she'd better watch it, because she is really
packing on the pounds.
I suspect she realizes
this, and to make herself feel
better, she is tampering with my scale to make me
think I am putting on weight, too.
For an old lady, she is quite childish.
She likes to
play nasty games, like going into my
closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes
so they don't fit.
And
she messes with my files and papers so I
can't find anything. This is particularly annoying
since I am extremely neat
and organized.
She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me.
She
gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines
before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it.
And she has done
something really sinister to the
volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone.
Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
She
has done other things - like make my stairs
steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knobs and
faucets harder to
turn. She even made my bed
higher so that getting into and out of it is a real
challenge.
Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries
before I
put them away, applying glue to the lids,
making it almost impossible for me to open the jars.
She also has taken
the fun out of shopping for
clothes. When I try something on, she stands in
front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes
it.
She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits,
plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they
look on
me.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner,
she proved
me wrong.
She came along when I went to get my picture
taken for my driver's license, and just as the
camera
shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!
I hope she never finds out where YOU live!
NEXT
