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After every flight, Qantas Australia pilots fill out a
form,
called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics
about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document
their repairs on the
form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before
the next flight.
Never let it be said
that ground crews lack a sense
of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by
Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.
By
the way Qantas is the only major airline that has
never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tyre almost
needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S:
Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P:
Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
feet per
minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence
removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause
throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always
inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S:
Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly
right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S:
Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with
a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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