My mother taught me RELIGION
- “You better pray that this stain
comes out of the carpet”

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
- “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock
you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me LOGIC
- “Because I said so, that’s why!”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT
- “Make sure you wear clean underwear
in case you’re in an accident”

My mother taught me IRONY
- “Keep laughing and I’ll give you
something to cry about”

My mother taught me about
the science of OSMOSIS
- “Shut your mouth and eat your supper”

My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM
- “Will you look at the dirt on the
back of your neck”

My mother taught me STAMINA
- “You’ll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished”

My mother taught me about WEATHER
- “It looks as if a tornado swept
through your room”

My mother taught me how to solve
PHYSICS PROBLEMS
- “If I yelled because I saw a meteor
coming toward you, would you
listen then?”

My mother taught me HYPOCRISY
- “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you
a thousand times, don’t exaggerate”

My mother taught me about
BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION
- “Stop acting like your father”

My mother taught me about ENVY
- “There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don’t
have wonderful parents
like you do” 


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