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.... and I have certain inalienable rights:
I have the right to walk over your face any time I
wish, day or night.
I have the right to observe and
comment on any
and all bathroom behaviour. Further, I have the
right to be highly offended by any closed door.
I have the right to smell your shoes to determine
if
you have been fraternizing or cavorting or
frolicking with any highly questionable animals.
I have the right to assist in any food preparation,
cooking,
cleaning or eating event that may occur
in the home.
I have the right to wake you at three in the morning
if I find my food dish is not to my satisfaction.
I have the right to tip over any water container I
deem
unsuitable for consumption.
I
have the right to meow at squirrels and birds
that may dare to pass my windows.
I have the right to inspect any grocery items that
come
into the home. Further, I have the right to
inhabit any paper bag or cardboard box that you
bring home for as long as
I wish.
I have the right
to nap at any time and place I darn
well please, without the distraction of being called
or moved just because you want
to sit down, wash
your hands or use your computer keyboard.
I have the right to assist in the changing of bed
linens and to chase
the phantom creatures that
hide beneath the sheets.
I have the right to look aloof when scolded for
mistaking your toes for one of those pesky
phantom creatures
that hide beneath
the sheets.
I have the right to kill paper towel rolls that
otherwise might sneak up on you.
I have the right to sleep on top of any appliance
that is warm.
I have the right to your complete
attention anytime
you sit down to read or work.
And, finally, I have the right to be loved, petted,
pampered, and entertained, for, as you know, the
best things
in life ... purr.
And, should you err in your ways, I will graciously
forgive
you. After all, you are only human, but I
love you anyway.
Signed, The CAT
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