My cat does not barf hairballs -
he is a floor/rug redecorator.

My cat does not break things -
she helps gravity do its job.

My cat does not fear dogs -
they are merely sprint practice tools.

My cat does not scratch -
he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator.

My cat does not yowl -
he is singing off-key.

My cat is not a "shedding machine" -
she is a hair relocation stylist.

My cat is not fat -
he is mass enhanced.

My cat is not lazy -
he is motivationally challenged.

My cat is not underfoot -
she is leading me to my next destination.
(the food dish!)

My cat is not a ruthless hunter -
she is a wildlife control expert.



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