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LEASH:
A strap which attaches to your collar,
enabling you
to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED:
Any soft, clean surface, such as the
white bedspread
in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in
the living room.
DROOL:
Is what you do
when your persons have food and you
don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as
you can and look sad and let
the drool fall to the
floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF:
A social custom to use when you greet other
dogs.
Place your nose as close as you can to the other
dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several
times, or
until your person makes you stop. This can
also be done to human's crotches.
GARBAGE CAN:
A container which
your neighbors put out once a
week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your
hind legs and try to push the lid
off with your nose.
If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine
wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and
moldy
crusts of bread.
BICYCLES:
Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs
to control body fat. To get maximum
aerobic benefit,
you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark
loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person
then
swerves and falls into the bushes, and you
prance away.
DEAFNESS:
This is a malady which affects dogs when their
person
want them in and they want to stay out.
Symptoms include staring blankly at the person,
then running in the opposite
direction,
or lying down.
THUNDER:
This is a signal that the world is coming to an end.
Humans remain amazingly
calm during
thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of
the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting,
rolling
your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET:
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and
old
candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the
basket and strew the papers all over the house until
your person
comes home
SOFAS:
Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it
is polite to run up and down the front
of the sofa and
wipe your whiskers clean.
BATH:
This is a process by which the humans drench the
floor, walls
and themselves. You can help by shaking
vigorously and frequently.
BUMP:
The best way to get your human's attention
when
they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP:
A manoeuvre to use as a last resort when the
Regular
Bump doesn't get the attention you
require ..... especially effective when combined
with The Sniff. See above.
LOVE:
Is
a feeling of intense affection, given freely and
without restriction. The best way you can show your
love is to wag
your tail. If you're lucky, a human will
love you in return. If not, you can always sniff their
crotches.
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